THE MOAST BEAUTIFUL STORY U WILL EVER READ FOR DA REST OF UR EFFIN LIFE

The Coca Cola Cake

DISCLAIMER: This is a crossover story between Porchlights roleplaying and Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy. Porchlights was once supposed to be a fan roleplay for Skulduggery Pleasant, but we stopped using SP in our writing, and changed the title to Porchlights. As my dear friend Charlotte puts it, "Baking a vanilla cake with yellow bread and vanilla frosting. Then, you decided to change it, so you took out the vanilla bread and replaced it with chocolate. Then you decided to change it again and made it a marble, so it is now chocolate and vanilla. The frosting is all still vanilla, but there are some obscure colored sprinkles on top..." I told her I would also be doing something different to the books as well. She called that "Taking out the eggs in the cake and replacing them with Coca Cola!" That is how I gave this story its title.

Dedicated to my sister Jasmine, for telling me about the SP series, my husband Zach, for being so amazing, my cousin Charlotte for writing the disclaimer, Derek Landy for writing SP, and my other cousin Grog for predicting my death.
"You will die as you have entered this world, screaming, crying, and covered in someone else's blood."
I am sorry for mocking you all(and your characters) in this way.

It was getting dark outside of the church, and there was almost no one to be seen. Skulduggery pulled up in front in the rental car he and Valkyrie had picked up for traveling in America. They were working on a new case the Sanctuary wanted them on, and they had tracked the sensitive they had been looking for to the church. She was a very young girl, around 12 or 13, and had information they needed. Neither of the magic societies working on the case knew much about her, however.
They had two people from the other society they were working with with them. They gave their names as Jonah Messenger and Torren Rose. The society in particular they were from was called The Purist House, and it was a shady, underground society no one knew much about.
Jonah had long, curly brown hair and wore a long, tan trench coat with a hat that covered his eyes. He wasn't a very reliable person and often got into petty trouble. He seemed about 21, and he certainly was immature and often nonsensical. Valkyrie didn't like him much, but Skulduggery seemed to appreciate his sense of humour.
Torren Rose was at least a bit younger than him, she appeared about 16 or 17. Her hair was choppy, short, and a dark black that matched her cold eyes. She wore deep blue denim jeans and a plain grey t shirt. She seemed brooding. Valkyrie was beginning to like her, because though she was a necromancer, neither she nor her twin sister like her believed in the crazy things most necromancers did.
They stepped inside of the church. The entry hall was dimly lit. The adjacent gym, however, seemed bustling with activity. Valkyrie opened the door a sliver and looked in.
"See her? Oh, and while I remember..." Skulduggery said, tapping his collarbones to turn on his façade. Jonah seemed surprised at his transformation, and leaned over, eager to try it. "Don't," Skulduggery warned, stopping Jonah before he could move. The face Skulduggery had on made him look stern, and the effect was enough for him.
"No... I don't think so." Valkyrie said, looking back at them. "They're playing some kind of primitive dodgeball in there." She remarked, frowning. It was kind of... loud.
"Let me have a look, Valkyrie." Torren said, in her smooth-as-silk voice. The group of oddball sorcerers remained quiet for a few seconds as Torren looked through the doors. Torren pointed to a shadowy figure between the wall and the curtain. "She's there." She said, stating it as if it were absolutely obvious. Looking back, it was.
"Oh," Jonah simply said.
The girl had wedged herself between the wall leading backstage and the curtain, which appeared to have been working for her in the game. She was a bit quirky, by appearance. Her strawberry brown hair was sticking out a side pony high up on her head, she wore an Alice in Wonderland themed tank top, and shorts. She was barefoot.
"Well, what are we standing around for? Let's go get her!" Valkyrie suggested.
"Val, if you haven't noticed, we're a motley crew of sorcerers that don't fit the age group here and just broke into the church." Torren said with an eye roll. "There is the slightest chance we might make a scene."
"Oh... Right." Valkyrie replied.
"How about this: I go in, request to the adults to speak with her, then bring her out here and we can have her alone?"
"That sounds like a fine plan, Torren. We'll wait for you outside the church." Skulduggery said.
Torren entered the gym, and the rest went out by the car.

"Luna?" The adult who appeared to be in charge called out over the crowd. "There's a girl here who says she needs to speak with you."
It had been pretty easy for Torren to convince the directors of the girl's youth group to get her for them. Luna slowly crept out from behind the curtain, looking confused. She moved quickly and near-silently towards Torren and the director. She didn't look extremely confused, but she seemed more curious than anything.
"Hello. My name is Torren Rose, and I suggest you follow me."




--Chapter Two--
Luna stared at the four detectives assembled before her.
To be specific, she stared at Jonah.
She was muttering something that could have sounded like "I knew it was real!" under her breath, practically gasping at them all.
"Torren, are you sure you didn't grab a mortal on accident?" Valkyrie teased. That earned an eye roll from Torren.
"Would you be Luna Asylum Caesar Myst-Rose, the sensitive?" Skulduggery asked.
She nodded slowly. "Yes... Why am I out here again?"
Jonah interrupted. "We need your help on a case."
"Why are the Purists working with the Sanctuary?" Luna asked and sighed.
Torren took a few steps forward and cast a quizzical eye on her. "What do you know about the Purists?" She asked harshly.
An expression crept over the girl's face that could only be described as mysterious, crazy, or even scary. With a cunning smile, Luna said "Everything."
"What do you mean, 'everything'?"
"I'm a user."
In that instant, both Torren and Jonah gasped.
"A user?" Valkyrie asked. "What's that?"
"The Purists' energy and powers are, at some times, too uncontrollable to a point where the Purists cannot control themselves." Skulduggery stated. "That's where Users come in. They work as puppeteers from behind the scenes, controlling Purists. They aren't like the demons though, who posess the Purists. They listen to the one they are controlling, what that person wants to do, and does what is in best interest for them. So, you're a user. You must be an excellent writer then."
"Yeah, I suppose. When we control Purists, we try to always keep a story line in mind. A plot. We love plots. Plots plots plots plots plots. And love triangles and ships. Ships..." Luna said, zoning out and thinking about all the wonderful things about being a user.
"And you must have an extended reach and the ability to get anyone we want for us." Valkyrie said.
"Yup," Luna said, sitting down on the sidewalk. "Only Purists though. And other users."
"What other users do you know?" Skulduggery asked.
"Uhm, there's four of us. My sister, Jasmine. She's an elemental. Lives in Scotland. Don't know her address, or even town. My husband, Zach-"
"-Wait." Valkyrie interrupted. "You're twelve years old, and you're married?"
"In the Purist House, young marriages are quite commonplace." Jonah explained. "Since she and her husband spent so much time around them, they have probably adopted most customs of ours."
Luna held up her left hand so they could see her wedding ring. "Nicely explained, Jonah. Can I continue?"
"Yes." Skulduggery said.
"My husband, Zach. Necromancer. Lives in Sacramento. Shares a last name with Torren, but I don't believe you two are related. That's how I got my hyphenated last name. Anyways. My cousin, Charlotte. Sensitive too. Lives near here. I can show you the way to her house, but I doubt she'd be of help. It's not the Char who is your sister though, Torren. If you didn't already figure that out."
"There are only four of you, out of the entire world?" Torren asked. "I thought there'd be more."
"Well, and my apprentices. I have lost contact with them, however. Technically there are just three. Charlotte is an advanced apprentice and honorary user."
"We're looking to form a sort of task force, then. We need powerful sorcerers, preferably Purists. Who have you got?" Valkyrie asked.
"I can help you there. I say you'd want my twin sister for sure: Shauna Culvert."
"Shauna? I didn't know she even had a twin..." Torren mumbled. When she realized the group was listening, she clarified. "Shauna is a teleporter who lives near us. She, her boyfriend, and my sister Sol are good friends. I thought she only had one sister."
"Nope. She's stuck with me too." Luna said with a smirk.
"Well, we can already reach her. Who else?" Skulduggery continued.
"I have fighters... You can find a lot of them, but I know an essential one."
"Who?"
"Antarctica Dementia Legend. Ever heard of coporeals?"
The group looked confused for a second, but then Valkyrie spoke up softly. "I might... I think I heard them mentioned in a book of Gordon's I read a while back... They're super-powerful, and they can willingly dissolve their bodies into... Static waves. They're some sort of poltergeist, right? One that can corrupt the mind as well?"
"Well said, Valkyrie. They're like the Jitter Girls, in a way, and I don't need to explain THEM to you again. And Antarctica, Ant for short, is one. She's triggered by anger, however, so she is literally a ticking time bomb. But if you allow her to stomp around, mess things up a bit, give her that freedom she craves, she remains happy and smiling and in control."
"How come all the people you are mentioning I know?" Torren asked. "Ant works as a babysitter for my sister Charlotte sometimes. She's all over the place."
"If," Luna began to retort, "you find her too hard to contain, I can recommend others for that job, but Ant is one in a million. Others I would recommend are Dimitri and Olga, twin siblings from Russia that both spent at least 3 years in the mafia as assassins. They work quickly and efficiently and do not hesitate to get a job done well. Bluejay and Snake Eyes, two friends who trained together in Japan but work separately. I have not been involved in their sides of this world and I do not know much of them but from what I understand is they work well and get their jobs done right."
Jonah spoke up. "We need a new medic as well. One who can move and heal on the go. I don't trust Nye."
"It just so happens I have one in mind. Don't let her age fool you, though. She is wise beyond her years. Her name is Hattie, and she's currently residing in France. She has a pretty peaceful life right now. She's a peaceful girl, and she spends most of her time with her husband, Nickolas Inkwell-Lament."
"Inkwell-Lament... Now where do I know that name..." Torren quietly asked aloud, in deep thought.
"His sister, Blot is an author and artist, and also your younger sister's penpal."
"Oh. Thank you." Torren replied.
"How old is she." Valkyrie asked flatly, seeming unamused by how much Luna was praising the people she suggested.
"She's nine years old."
This triggered a shocked response from Valkyrie. "You expect us to trust you and expect a nine year old girl to be at the ready AND heal the kinds of wounds we have to deal with?!"
"Do not judge her by her age!" Luna fumed. "She can deal with anything. She has had a horrible life already, and after what she has been through, she can last through anything."
"Luna, please calm down. We'll look into it. Also, China was wondering if you might know a linguist to work as her assistant." Skulduggery said coolly.
"Do I!?" Luna interjected. "I know one of the best. Blot herself."
Valkyrie sighed. "How old is SHE, then?"
"Blot is thirteen. She speaks in a sort of creole, knowing basics of most languages, but there are specific languages she knows best and prefers. English, for one, which gets her by most of the time. She's originally from Italy, so she speaks Italian well, of course. She often adapts to using the language of people around her as well. Because of that she speaks Russian, the language of... Well... Remember when I mentioned Dimitri and Olga, the twins? She and Dimitri have been lifelong companions and are now lovers, so she speaks the twins' native language. Her brother grew up separated from her, in Switzerland, so she speaks that as well as her sister in law's language, French, quite fluently. But these are just her favorites. Like I said, she knows most."
"She sounds perfect for the job." Skulduggery said.
"If you do choose to try to hire her, I'd like to just make sure that you know that whether you choose Hattie, Blot, or both, Nickolas will be coming with them. He's very close to both of the girls and is very partial. And they are partial to him. They're a package deal. Also, to think about it, the twins would have to be part of it. So you get all of the Inkwell-Laments or none of them. It does cover a wide variety of talents, if you consider it..."
"It sounds lovely." Skulduggery replied.
"So. Is anyone in agreement when I say we should also try to get more users in reach and at the ready?" Jonah asked.
"I certainly am." Valkyrie stated.
"It sounds like a good idea..." Torren mused.
"Charlotte V. Rouge. She'd be the easiest to get our hands on." Luna said.
"I can reach the friend of yours you said was in Scotland, easy." Torren said, beginning to plan.
"I can go after your friend in California." Jonah said.
"I'll go with you, Luna, to get Char." Valkyries said.
And so the plans were made, contacts arranged, and the plot laid out.
The motley crew of sorcerers, mages, and users split and headed off in different directions of the night.